By Janine Milliken.................... and how do I get popular on these blogs!!!!! I need to make money but I am too fat to be a dancer, too loud to be a student, would be gagged if I was a lawyer and would be a bad influence if I was a teacher :)
Through my trials, tribulations and suffering in this world I have found that the only investments I need to make in life is love. Love is the only ‘asset’ you take with you when you cross over to the hereafter. I will not go into this as many people have different beliefs on this, as do I and I will not push my beliefs onto others, unless I am asked.
When I arrive at my ‘hereafter’ I will have carried the love I have nurtured for others and this love will benefit me in the next life. My love will shine through and I will have pure good relationships with the many people I have treated with kindness and love. All my earthly belongings will be left on this earth and therefore will be of no use to me. I do try and look after my worldly assets so I can pass to my nephews so they can have a good start in life with their new families and children.
My greatest love and pleasure on this earth is my family and the love and laughs we share. They have never left my side during my crazy times, my depressing times, my darkest times and even my happy times. They are my ‘circle of trust’ and although my circle is small they are the ones I turn to for anything and I know they will carry me through whatever trials I may face in the future. My God and my family are my anchor. My husband is a treasure and definitely has the gift of 'long-suffering', after being married for 24 years. John deserves a knighthood for putting up with a diva and big mouth like me.
How do I thank them for loving me unconditionally? I am trying to do so in this blog. The words will not come out my mouth, so I put my words to paper and hope that they will read this and realize how they have been my absolute ‘rock’ in my storms, ‘strong arms’ to cry on, ‘strong hearts’ to love me when I was unlovable and mostly strong in spirit to discipline me to the right path of obedience to my Father in Heaven. I am so far from perfect. I am moody, irritable, I get depressed, I disappear into my room for days and yet whenever I need help there are my family and husband with open hearts, arms and an unconditional love that surpasses all understanding. I know I am in the right family and married my soul mate. I know God put me in this family because God knew I needed this strong, wise family to protect me, pray for me and at times carry me. I cannot fault them, they have done their job and continue to do this God given job without moaning or criticizing me. My family and husband accept me as I am. They do not try and change me. They love me when I am joyful and love me when I am depressed. My mom never stops praying for me and my dad never stops protecting me and my husband has not left me. In short they are my hero’s given to me by an awesome God who knew I would need extra strength during my journey on earth. My mom is a prayer warrior, my dad is a guardian, my sister is a protector, my husband is the other half of me and my nephews are my source of pure joy. How blessed I am right now.
Yes, I can moan about everything I have lost but like Job, in the Bible, who am I to question God. I do not understand the magnitude of the universe. My human brain does not understand it yet and when I get to heaven, only then will I realize the impact I have made on this earth. However, I can tell you I would not be here if it were not for the strength and pray of my family (my husband is my family) – their unwavering love. I feel so blessed to be a part of this family and can only thank God for His wisdom for placing me in this amazing, knowledgeable, patient, loving family. A family that goes beyond and above their duties towards me as a daughter. I will never be able to thank them in this earthly realm, hopefully God will reward them with a huge crown that they all deserve - especially my poor husband who needs to be 'sainted'. I stand strong because of my God and my family. I do not stand strong alone. The forgiveness my family has shown me over the years has been outstanding, I have hurt them in so many ways by going on my own earthly journey, turning my back on them and turning on God – however thanks to my families continual prayers and love for me I have come back and am now stronger than ever.
I have the most amazing conversations with my mom and dad about heaven and we can talk for hours about God. I am truly blessed, despite my losses, I have gained. My husband and I are so connected by our souls by the deep love we have for our children and we can sit and laugh about memories now.
My mom and I were off to the trauma centre on Sunday and I was crying, out of pity for myself. I blurted out that I had seen every movie on DSTV and how sad was that. We both looked at each other and burst out laughing. I told my dad that if DSTV was ever switched off it would become a game of ‘Survivor’ in our house, to see who would come out alive after 3 days because we would drive each other crazy. We all talk at once, do not listen to one another, I steal all the pills and my mom hides them then forgets where they are. I also sleep walk and steal pills, and even manage to cook in my sleep! I keep the whole family entertained with my crazy moments and I always hear one of the family saying, ‘well that’s Janine for you.’ So I do get away with a lot of nonsense and pranks. I am also used to talking to my dad, who is deaf, however when I am out my voice volume is very high and the whole shop can hear what I am saying, plus I have no filter between my brain and my mouth so most times when I am taken out the house I am given a lecture on behaving, manners and what is appropriate conversation. This lasts 5 minutes before I am shouting down the aisles, speaking to complete strangers and waving at everyone while driving in the car. My mom always asks if I know the person, I never do but I want to be friendly.
I cannot let babies pass me without asking the mother if I can kidnap her child or ask if they need an au pair. My dad always says to me, ‘stop talking to everyone’. I cannot help it. Some people respond well to me and others run. Perhaps I am known as the ‘loopy woman’ who walks around the shops. I am dressed, with make-up so I am not doing the ‘homeless’ look. Although when I go to Trauma in the morning I am always wearing the ‘homeless’ look. One patient asked if I had just come out the gutter. I said that I had indeed and I was about to go back. One day the ‘homeless look’ will be in fashion and it will be my turn to shine every day when I walk out in my pjs, frizzy hair, black bags under my eyes and a white face that glows in the dark.
I do not get embarrassed easily and can always come up with a quick reply to any sarcastic conversation thrown my way, which then ends up in a friendship and many laughs.
I am currently very sick with tick bite fever. Apparently I am a tick magnet and am so sick that I cannot read my messages on my phone which has resulted in 200 messages on my phone and me holding my head, scrunching my eyes trying to read them – actually maybe I need glasses. Maybe I should accept I am old (45), accept it gracefully and just go with the flow of this body of mine which currently has a mind of its own. I am in full menopause. My breasts have decided that they were not big enough and have grown to a huge size and I now have to strap them with a bandage to my body. My hot flushes result in my hair being glued to my head and sweat dripping off me making my make-up run. So I think I look like one of the Adam’s family right now. Do not even suggest me going to gym. I own Nike gear and there is no way I am sweating in them. They were so expensive I am going to a ball gown event in them. As for my Nike takkies, well they are used for the catwalk and do not know what mud is yet! Which reminds me I have been slacking on my online shopping a bit and need to buy some more clothes. My last purchase was bright blue glitter takkies that I had to give to a teenager as I looked like a granny with two glitter balls on my feet! I have to buy bigger tops to hide the ‘girls’ as all my tops are too small and its embarrassing as no-one knows my eyes are blue anymore. There is no way I can run right now anyway!!!!!!!!!!! You work that one out………
So from serious to humour……. Hope you enjoy……. God Bless