By Janine Milliken

My parents and I ventured into the bush, with a very kind friend driving us, to climb a kopje so we could pray at the top of it. It was spiritually amazing and I certainly was touched by God.

Even though I am young(ish) I could not climb this kopje, which made me realize how unfit I am. However, it will not make me run for the gym on Wednesday as I really do not care that I am not fit. I have figured out that when the Zombie apocalypse hits, the Zombies cannot run so I just need a samurai sword. A kind lady in a landrover gave us a lift up the kopje.

When we were all at the top we had a good pray time with God with lots of singing which I am sure could be heard for miles. The beauty of this country stopped my breath for a minute and confirmed the reason why I hold so tightly to my home land and why Zimbabwe lives in my heart. What an absolute blessing to be living here, my Zimbabwe, with the beauty that God has created. I forgot the hardships for a minute and I just sat in awe of my God and thanked Him for my country. I gazed over the msasa trees, the crops growing in the land, the hills of green and red and fell to my knees, humbled by God’s creation.

It got really cold very quickly on top of that kopje. Lucky for me I had prepared myself, I had my woolly jeans on, my k-way jacket, my vest – in fact I was wearing every piece of clothing I owned as I do not like being cold. This proved to be a burden to me when I needed a no. 1. Firstly I had to walk half way down the kopje and take off about 5 layers of clothes, whilst hiding behind a bush, do my thing and then put my 10 layers of clothes back on. Yes, I do exaggerate. I claim to be a bush girl but managed to trip over every rock, pebble, piece of grass and nearly slipped clean off the kopje. So the conclusion of that is that I did not feel the cold, but nearly killed myself having a wee.

Now 4 of us including my parents, me and a friend had to walk down the kopje as we had to leave before dark. 4 of us walked down this kopje thinking this would be easy. My dad had had 3 shots of altar wine – one from my mother, one from me (as we don’t drink) and his own. We thought he was very brave when he just downed the wine and almost looked like a professional which worried us a bit.

Walking down I now had a drunk dad weaving all over the rock, however managed to talk about anything and everything. I caught him several times just before he flew off the kopje or tripped over his stick or slid on the sand or walked into a tree. When I caught up to him I had to hold his arm and help him to walk straight. Our friend, who was behind us, took a photo but she said she wished she had taken a video because of my dad looking like a drunk, me tripping over his stickf and my mom supervising us. Our friend says the banter between my parents and I was much more humourous than the photo and next time we together she is taking a video. We did forget our friend has never had all 3 of us together so is not used to how we talk, laugh and generally have a silly sense of humour.

My mom and I were talking about what would happen if my dad got sick. I proceeded to tell all and said, ‘oh my gosh you have to make your own tea, run your own bath, wash your dishes, change the channel, make the bed, feed the dogs and drive’. Our friend who was listening to all of this thought I was joking. I said to her, ‘no I am actually not joking.’ Then we all burst out laughing.

When I got into our friend’s car she told me the car went down so much – she was not being rude, she just said for someone so little she wondered why the car went down so much. Without missing a beat I said, ‘oh that’s my boobs, don’t worry.’ This poor friend did not know whether to kick me out her car or laugh.

When we got home after an awful time on the road including a toll gate we were all very tired. My dad collapsed on the couch and told us to leave him alone because he was going to vomit, his head was spinning and he did not know where he was. I collapsed on my bed with 3 dogs on top of me, my half bare bottom in the air as I was too tired to get dressed. My mother, on the other hand, raided her pantry and sat munching on food. All my dad and I heard was rustling of packets then chewing sounds – this carried on until I passed out from exhaustion and my dad passed out from 3 shots of altar wine. My mom was happy with a blanket over her, her munchies all around her and her mouth chewing non-stop. No one has any idea as to the time she went to bed because my dad and I had passed out, including the dogs as they had howled all day because we were out. So with everyone passed out my mom continued to munch.

In my sleep I managed to get up, make 2 minute noodles, eat them, go back to bed and remember nothing of it. The evidence was there the next day so there was no denying I had done it, but I could not remember it. My dad was moaning at me and the mess I had made. I told him that I remembered nothing and so for someone to make 2 minute noodles in their sleep was actually a miracle and he should be proud of my skills, which included boiling a kettle, using a plate and leaving the plate in the kitchen. (I did check the floor to see if I had eaten off the floor) I really do not know what more someone can ask of a sleep walking eater? Apparently my munching mom had witnessed my whole sleep walking eating thing, so she could confirm it was indeed me but she thought I was awake. I have not told my dad I found a whole box of milk and tomato sauce bottle in my bedroom in the morning. I do not really know how it got there, what I was doing with them and hoped I hadn’t painted the walls with the tomato sauce. As I do not remember I will have to say, ‘no comment’.

In the morning when I woke up, my dad had a hangover, my mom’s knees were sore (not her mouth) and I had a headache. We are still in our pjs (it’s lunchtime) and have not moved out the house as we are recovering from a kopje climb. Next year I will conquer that kopje but for now I remain half-dressed and have to admit the kopje defeated me. Due to me being obsessively competitive, I will not allow a kopje to defeat me, so this kopje will be conquered….. next year and not in my exclusive, clean, not for running – nike running shoes!
Photo of us three idiots walking down............




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Unsupervised day out

Beautifully Broken
by Janine Milliken
 
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2019-08-13
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