By Janine Milliken

When I went for my pain injection this morning with my Doctor, my dad who accompanies me as I cannot drug and drive, was hanging out the Doctor’s window to see if someone was breaking into our car. My dad was convinced someone was after our car and so he managed to get tangled into the Doctor’s blind whilst hanging his head out the window and the Doctor trying to concentrate on giving me an injection. My dad then gave us a running commentary on all people walking on the road. Then while I am naked, my dad opens the whole blind allowing all people walking past to see me in my birthday suit, with the Doctor standing behind him asking him to close the blind while I dive under the bed. I could not stop laughing, the Doctor has never observed such behavior in all his years and I think his window blind is permanently broken now as my dad got so tangled he needed to be rescued out the blind.

Needless to say my Doctor is never short of crazy behavior from our family, including a dog hanging off my nose resulting in a tetanus shot. My dad is standing behind me now convinced I am doing something naughty and wants to actually see if I am typing to my boyfriend – I have a husband and one man is enough for me. My mother has already counted the number of cigarettes I have smoked and so I told her to get a life and maybe she will not be so concerned about the amount of times I sneak off to the toilet and smoke out the window. Its only 0830 hours and I have been followed around the house since I got out of bed. I have been interrogated on my blog, my cigarettes and why I go to the toilet so often and of course rescued my dad out of a window blind. Should I disappear I am then looked for and asked where I have been. Does anyone want these two old people for a week? While I get some peace, go to the toilet in peace and smoke to my heart’s content.

My mom is a champion with ‘to do’ lists. I have the list handed to me at 0630 and I have just been asked if I have completed the list. I have a pile of papers sitting next to me and been instructed to scan and send them, which I will do but cannot do in 5 minutes – contrary to me being Superwoman.

My nephew stays with us during the week but he went and stayed at a friend’s house last night and I am now pleading for him to come back so that he can be followed around the house and interrogated on his toilet times and who is phoning him. Nothing is a secret in this house.

Over the weekend I was so sick I could not get out of bed or even walk. My bedroom became the local meeting spot for the family, even though I could not talk or lift my head. Every 5 minutes my mom would walk in and ask the same question – ‘Are you feeling better?’ She got the same answer every 5 minutes that I was still sick and still had a migraine. My dad who hates being alone made me move over to his cottage and sleep in his bed so that when my mom went out to Bible Study, he had someone in his house. Although I did manage to give him a sleeping pill and we got rid of him for a morning. Which brings me to the reason why I drug them sometimes just so I can relax and watch a movie in peace. However, when I drugged my mom it backfired on me as it gave her energy and she was hallucinating resulting in her talking non-stop and seeing dead people all around her.

I took my beautiful friend out to Tin Roof on Friday night to show her the night life of Harare. Poor girl was accosted by old men and had drink spilt all over her. However, I did manage to get all our drinks for free by finding my husband’s friends, although I drink coke so was not much of an accomplishment. Someone had driven their car into a ditch and I cannot figure out, even today, how they managed this great accomplishment.

My maid has found the most amazing material which is brought in from Zambia, the only problem is that I have to pay for it. Now this is a dilemma as I cannot find cash, although I have money in my account. I am unable to use this money and so it sits in my account until a miracle happens.

Being a single lady in this town is proving to be very difficult as I am unable to organize anything like fuel, cash, bond or buy food. I had a job working at a vet, one day a week but last week I was lying on the floor from a migraine and think I have now been fired from my job as I could not get there. So I now have to hope like hell that my blogging will make me money or my book? Otherwise a red light will be erected at my gate and I will open a ‘Hooters’ here and make money the old fashioned way. I cannot pole dance or dance so I cannot become a stripper plus I am too fat and too old for that right now.

Right so I am being reminded of my list and I have to go and start getting through my chores right now. None of which make money, but if I do not do the list my parents may move into my bedroom. The one time I tried to lock them out my bedroom but I did not realize they had the spare keys, so that was all in vain.

I do really love my family and I do joke about it but really it does not worry me as it shows they care for me. I would not swop them for anything in the world and they always give me a laugh. God is good and gave me the perfect family. Excuse me while I scan some documents, do some online payment and make a new blind for the Doctor’s office………… while explaining to the doctor that this is totally normal behavior from the family and not to admit any of us into a mental asylum or tell us that he will never be our Doctor again. I think the Doctor says to his wife, ‘can you believe they broke my blind today’ or ‘can you believe ‘Janine’s dog was hanging from her nose’ or ‘can you believe that family all come into my office at once and all talk at one time’ or ‘can you believe Janine walked into a wall’…… I think he gets discombobulated by our family but at the same time we keep him entertained with our silly antics.

So back to my country. I love my country, I love my people. I am praying for every one of you and pray for strength and courage right now. I have a heart for this country and am very happy here despite the problems thrown at us. Keep our heads held high everyone. Support one another and mostly love each other. God Bless…..


My family and other animals

Beautifully Broken
by Janine Milliken
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