By Janine Milliken

On a funny note, I just remembered that at one time when I had all my medication under my control it was a complete and utter mess. After the psychiatric visit, I was diagnosed with bipolar post brain injury from the car accident.

Thankfully my mom came to my rescue and now all my pills are counted and put into pill boxes for 3 weeks at a time, impossible for me to mess up – or so you thought. Well I still manage to mess them up. How do I do this? I am still at a loss as to how I do this and even more frustrating for my mom who has organized them all. She always asks me how I manage to make a mess and she is always met with a blank stare and a shrug of the shoulders.

My mom has now taken to hiding pills in the most secret places that at
times she has forgotten where she has put them. They have been hidden all over this cottage of theirs, even the bathroom has been used for hiding places. I have to confess that when my mom hides my pills I cannot find them – I have looked – do not tell her……..

My short term memory is a bit lazy and it forgets that I have literally just taken a pill, so I go back to the pill box for more pills. Thankfully my mom keeps an eye on me and all I hear is, ‘you’ve taken them.’ This is met with confusion from me and a memory block. I accept what my mom says and I walk off again. I cannot keep tabs on my tablets. Why do I drive myself crazy like this?

Should my mom tell me a traumatic story, my brain freezes and switches itself off. I then proceed to walk around the garden, down the driveway – no idea what I am doing – until it turns itself on again and I am Janine again.

When my nephew had a minor motor bike accident, all I heard was ‘motor bike accident’, I had my handbag in my hand and I was in the car before I knew which trauma centre he was at. My sister then drove me there, before she stopped, I jumped out the car, went and found him and hugged him and checked him and hugged him and checked him, until he was so embarrassed he told me to stop.

So now my family start the conversation with ‘they fine, but …….’ And that seems to soften the blow, but I still have to see them to make sure they ok. When a friend of mine had a car accident in Tanzania, I sent him a message that although I knew he was fine could he still send me a photo so I could see him. He kindly did this and I was able to relax again.

My dad’s hip has him in a lot of pain right now and the other day he went to get out of bed and fell over. This resulted in my mom and I dashing to save him. Phoning my sister to tell her the full story this time. I controlled myself and did not run around the garden as I had to get my dad dressed before taking him to the Doctor. My mom and I literally carried him to the Doctor and thankfully it was a pulled muscle because I thought he had broken his hip. I then fell apart afterwards needed tranquilizers, headache pills and whatever else would do the trick to calm me down – the pills that were not hidden!

The family has had huge dramas today as my mom’s email would not download. This resulted in hours of me trying to fix the computer and I was not allowed to move from the computer until the email was fixed. My dad, who is a bit clever about this, pretended he couldn’t hear and went outside to sit while the drama unfolded around the computer. On top of all that I had forgotten the passwords and so eventually I walked off muttering to myself and went and hid in my dressing room, praying the email would work. It did eventually and the drama level was put down from drama 10 to drama 0.

My dad loves to work in the garden, but he likes us to go and watch him while he talks about what he is doing. We have managed to con my nephew into going and watching the ‘old man’ cutting down trees and looking at ant hills, mango trees, mole holes etc. I think my nephew may have caught onto my mom and I being sneaky and I do not think he will come out of his bedroom until after 0900 hours. Although my little daxie has figured out how to open his door and goes and makes himself at home in my nephew’s duvet, much to my nephews annoyance as this dog is annoying and thinks he is the king of the castle.

We are having all sorts of problems with money, where it is, how much we owe, who we owe it to blah blah and I just got up, threw my hands in the air and excused myself. I could not take it anymore, took a pill, pretended I needed the loo and disappeared into the garden for about 20 minutes until I heard my name being called. When my name is called I have to be present in front of my mom in 5 minutes, otherwise she says I am getting drugs over the wall – which I am not – but that is how her brain thinks.
The one time in trying to disappear, I locked myself in my bed, closed the curtains and pretended I was sleeping. The whole family came and unlocked the door and had to check if I was breathing because I was not snoring. So much for peace and quiet. I was not snoring because I was actually pretending to sleep to get away from the chaos going on in the cottage. Next time I will snore like a pig and I might be left alone – maybe?

My cousin went to Zanzibar and got coral poisoning, which the Doctor told her was a 1 in a million occurrence. We all agreed with her that that sounded right for our family as we always get things that nobody else gets, or complications or unexplainable things. She is now recovering, after having been really sick and no idea how she got it. Of course the whole family phoned her, texted her, phoned her, whatsapped her every day to see how she was doing. I am sure she said was doing well just to get rid of us lot annoying her all day.

So now my mom’s computer is on a ‘go slow’ and I have no idea why. I have defragmented it, cleaned the disk space and yet it still is slow. This frustrates my mom, who in turn calls me, who in turn has no idea what is going on. On top of that I have forgotten every password and now I just walk away and ask for a miracle. Plus I am reprimanded for not remembering a password I put in two years ago, it was written down, but the paper is missing. I am at a loss to anybody’s passwords right now – which may be an excuse or for real – no-one will ever know.

So I am pleased to say our drama levels are at 0 right now and everyone is relaxed. Right I am going to bed to get over this migraine.


Drama, chaos, I'm in the loo.....

Beautifully Broken
by Janine Milliken
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