By Janine Milliken
We had Mother’s day lunch on Sunday for those Parents who have lost their child/children as it is a very hard day to get through. My heart is with you all in your pain and sorrow. I tried to help the grieving mothers by having a lunch just for them and to give them a gift from their child/children in heaven.
I had a lovely response from very kind and compassionate people who donated their time and money in making this a lovely day for us and to make us know we are not alone. I have to say I did struggle emotionally through this day but keeping my mind on organizing the lunch did help me to cope better. Perhaps I have now found my calling in helping other grieving parents along their long and painful journey.
My family, as always, are amazing in supporting me and I absolutely love them all. I had to send a message to my sister and tell her that her boys had to send their second mother a ‘happy mother’s day’ message. When they were young, they did not need to be reminded but I said that I would not rest until they had sent me the message. In usual fashion I only got one message from one of my nephews, which was good enough for me. I do forgive them as they are over 20 and have better things to do like ‘gaming’ and pretending they shooting people. I think every parent understands when their children get older that you now come second to games, friends, food and everything else in their lives.
My one nephew is talking to a girl in the USA and we are all delighted, however, he was told I would buy her a ticket to come here and he was not going there. This is a joke of course. I am just hoping that they get married in Zimbabwe, have their children and then I get to become the babysitter and am indispensable. So I have to manipulate the situation, and once again I am joking.
I was having a laugh with a friend of mine who asked why I had not adopted as yet. I told her that I had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital and so I was not deemed fit in the State’s eyes to be a mother. We then decided that she would pinch the child and come and drop it off at my doorstep and I would pretend this child just appeared out of nowhere. I absolutely love this idea and I love how my friend thinks…….. However, after going through all the illegal ways of obtaining a child we decided it would be easier for my nephews to get married and have children. Then I would be a granny and a babysitter and I win on all accounts.
I remember looking after my god daughter, who still loves me even though she is going through her teenager years. When she stayed with me when she was little, she got ice cream for breakfast, was allowed to do what she felt like doing and usually I would be the one behind her encouraging her to draw on my wall. When she had a party, I walked in on all these little girl’s screaming, bouncing, shouting and being naughty. As I walked in the whole room it went silent as they thought they were all in big trouble. My little god daughter looked up and said ‘oh don’t worry guys, carry on, she’s like us.’ That was a proud moment for me and I joined in with the screaming, bouncing and shenanigans – often giving them ideas for even better shenanigans. Her mother has now banned me from future birthday parties, no not really, but I have been told to behave.
I have been going to see my Doctor at 0700hours to get my daily injection for my pain and I kept on giving his nurse, who was sitting in her car, a fright. Eventually she shouted at me and told me to stop doing this as I was giving her a heart attack nearly every day. I thought it was funny, but obviously not everyone enjoys my humour. So I am now banned from giving the nurse a fright every morning.
While at the mother’s day lunch, my cousin comes up to me and says ‘are you high?’ You can see we all very blunt and have no filter on our mouths. I replied that I was not high right then but if she gave me 30 minutes I could go and make myself high. I love it that my family know me so well. This cousin of mine is exactly like me and when we are together we egg each other on with naughty shenanigans. However, my mother had told me to behave just for that day as I had to act semi-normal and act my age. I managed to do this but somehow ended up walking into a door, completely bruising my legs and arms and then falling over chairs all day – although I do not drink alcohol ever. I told my Doctor maybe it was because I had drunken the whole ‘rescue remedy’ in one gulp. Which worked, by the way, I think, I cannot really remember much after that.
I was also walking next to my mom, turned to say something and she had gone. Unknown to me she had fallen over and was on the floor covered in mud. I carried on walking wondering how she had managed to disappear so quickly. The whole family then had a good giggle before we could pick her up and we continued to giggle at her mishap. The new cousin-in-law was most concerned about our lack of sympathy and rushed over to my mother and picked her up off the ground… thanks to him otherwise she would probably still be sitting there.
My family support was out of this world. I just want to thank them from the bottom of my heart for their dedication and love of me and my pain. Also for assisting me with the mother’s day lunch, without them I could not have done such a good job. I am truly blessed with an awesome family and thank God every day for them. They give me strength and encouragement to do things that I would not normally be capable of in my own strength.
So I now sit and wait for my grandchildren……………………………..